Half of you!

It is funny how quickly you forget!
It is so ironic, how fast you can't remember what you felt for me...
You know what, I knew this was going to happen!
I just didn't think it would be that simple for you to take me off your mind!
All those words you once told me are revolving in my head!
To think you never cared as much as I did.
I start to think, what if you always lied, what if you never felt the way you said you did,
what if you where making everything up and making me believe you felt something for me...
I feel so stupid and most of all so worthless!
I felt for your stupid act!
Aww, I get so mad for being so blind!
Why did you have to play this games, if you never wanted anything else?
How come you showed me one side I loved and then you used me to get what you really wanted (u know ur girl).
I feel so low, loving you so much and you don't give a damn!
I hope your happy!!! I just can't be how I used to be with you, I know you already forgot about me but I still care about you, even though you don't care anymore!
I really hope all of your dreams come true with her, but I can't be your friend (as much), because I don't want just half of you!

Messed up life!

Today sucked! as ussual!
I had to take an exam, and I got out of school at 10:10am, something like that. To find myself wasting my time, my mom went to school to pick up my report card, I got a C in english, I was so mad! My grades are my life in high-school I always do what I can to be the best I can, but it seems that wasn't enough this time, now I've decided I am not going to waste anymore time trying to get my friends to like me and getting to know people, I am going to spend more time in somethinh far more important! me!!! and my school work! bye guys I'll write later on!

Whatever!

Have you ever taken a decision so fast that you haven't thought of the consequences it brings? I am so mad at myself I feel that I "put myself too out there" I explain myself, I told and showed this guy how much I liked him and loved him. For what? I guess now, he was as fake as many people are to me, and this kills me on the inside! I guess he didn't care as much as he said he did! Everything in my life seemed so fake these last days, my "friends" where or are so not honest with me, I trully feel people talk to me to show others how nice they can be! I hate it so much feeling like I don't belong everywhere I go! I do have some real friends though! I wish and hope to show them how real I am! Few days ago I have been evaluating what to do with my friends, who's friendship I trully want and need and which I don't care about anymore! I've decided who my real friends are and who I just care not to have their friendship, the only catch is I think I am going to lose another friend because of the decision I took. Only the Lord knows what will happen, but I worry not because I know that if I do lose other friends because of this, it was God's hand in all of this. I need to change my life, I want to do so many things, but first of all I have to ask God for help only he can help me! If you have friends appreciate them!
Oh and don't expose yourself that much when nothing is true as you think, you only end up throwing away presious feelings! I thought you did love me, but to hell with it all, hope your happy!

Where you want me to be...

I am so confused,
so I start to walk.
I took two steps back,
but you pulled me in.
I was starting to get comfortable,
then you push me back out.
I thought I knew what you wanted,
but I guess I was wrong...
I was so happy,
but I guess that shouldn't last.
Can't I be happy,
for more than several months...
I thought with you it might be different,
but I find myself writting this.
I wish I knew how I
got myself into this.

Love you all!! I hope you feel like part of my life when I write...
bye people take care!

Why? When?

Why are we living like this?
Why does this have to be a dream?
Why do we love each other so much?
Why do I dream with being yours?
Why can't we live what we feel?
Why do we have to prive ourselves from all these feelings?
Why do I think about you when I don't have you?
Why, oh, why can't we be happy together?

When did you realize you liked me?
When did you realize this could only be a dream?
When did I fall for you?
When will we accept that we can't be without each other?
When we are together, doesn't it feel right?

I need you to see I am lost without you...
I need to feel you close to me, cause when you are not my life is a mess!
I need to know we are going to be alright...
I wish you the best of luck!
Goodbye!

Will you keep my secret?

Will you keep my secret?
Don't say anything...
Just hold me,
Don't promise me anything.
I don't want to have to think,
I just want to feel like I do when
we are together.
Do I deserve this?
Have I asked for this,
so many questions,
revolving in my mind,
You've got me woundering...
Can I be any happier?
I miss you, I need you,
Don't you get tired of hearing this?
I LOVE YOU!

* This is an old thing I wrote, but never wanted to post it,well maybe because I thought you guys already get too much of me in lala-land! You know this is 4 you, so see you soon! Beware I am going to win my bracelet back!

In love with two different people...

First...
He is caring but distant,
he Loves me but he has another love
he is confused
he doesn't quite know what he wants
he has taken a decision
He wants another girl...

Second...
He is caring and loving.
he is close to me and he would do what he can to see me happy
he expresses what he feels for me
He know what he feels for me
he would run out at midnight to be next to me
He wants me but he already
made a decision to forget me...

I know it seems obvious I have to forget him and I will
I promise myself to forget this love that has me stressing over him
I won't make the same mistake, I won't let this "love" kill me
" What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
I will get through and I will let you all know when this happens...

Sleep is my escape...

This is sad how I've come to loathe everything I am used to.
Today started out like and normal day, nothing special just the samething I do always.
I got to school to find the same people I talk to everyday, doing the samething they always do...
My friends dealing with their own situantions, my best friend trying to get the girl he likes to actually be with him, and everyone else just fullfilling the job they had to do... There was a good part in all of this day, I got to enjoy myself in "la Confra" which was amayzing, out of that, this whole day sucked! It's true that I love to sleep a lot, but when everything around you isn't fun anymore you have to find your own escape! I dindn't have to find an escape when I was in my other school people where just so out of the ordinary!!! I somrtime ask myself if it was really worth it, leaving my other school, I had my friends, a life, etc. I don't want to be so negative but I am not satisfied with the "life" I have...

A wounderful dream...

Today was like a dream come true...
The guy I am totally crazy for came over and we spend the whole day together!
Playing around and just enjoying ourselves together!
If this is a dream I don't want to wake up!
I felt so close to him, I felt his chest against mine, his heart beat...
I felt him actually loving me and wanting me!
It was special, I haven't felt like that in a really long time! The thing was I felt it so real, something that tomorrow is going to slap me in the face and show me the opposite!
Do I have to wake up? I don't want to lose this feeling, I am so happy knowing that he was mine only for a day, maybe it was only in my thoughts... Can't you blame me for wanting to have him, I know he doesn't feel like I do but for only a momment I want to think he does!
You are the sweetest of all dreams! and I can't bear having you taken out of my life like that... that's why I decide to never wake up of this beautiful dream...

Once again...

Once again I have fallen in the deep traps of love...
I thought I knew it all, I thought I was faster,smarter and way more skilled than Love itself.
How dumb was I, I thought I could play with fire and not get burn!
At first, I had the ball on my court... I made the rules, and decided when the game would end,
but in a bad move I made, I lost the ball, and I started to play a different kind of game,
in which I had no control of what was about to happen. At the begining the game started slow, I could barely feel love... I just felt something which I feel for anyone close to me, maybe appreciation, once the game sarted I started to feel funny, I couldn't stop talking to him, I couldn't stop thinking of him... and I was mad, I didn't want it to end like that I wanted to be able to say I like you now and not tomorrow. I know it sounds terrible but I didn't want to accept the fact I could fall in love again. So I started to act back, I took some drastic measure to vanish this whole feeling. I started to separate from him and anyone who reminded me of him, I started to find other guys who would occupy his position, I made up stories for myself in which I saw him as an evil person just to calm that sensation I felt for him. Nothing worked, my plan backfired, this made me so upset! I thought of myself as a strong girl who could do as she pleases and decides who to fall in love with. For long days I felt sorry for myself and I enclose myself from reality! Could it be possible, that I could be in love with someone against my own will, I asked to myself. Everything surrounding me shouted it's imposible for you to love this guy! I knew it was true but still I felt so secure with him, I wanted to be with him no matter what when I finally got to the point I knew that I loved him... reality slapped me on the face!
I have still not won or lost this game, but at least I know that if he is not for me and that probbably is the truth, I won't ever try to fight against Love, because it is much bigger that anything I can handle. Loving him has been a rollercoaster of mixed emotions, now having to see him with another girl saddens me but at the same time it's a relief to know I didn't change what he felt for his soon to be_ _ _ _!!!
What I learned in all of this was... Don't try to think you can handle ur emotions on your own...
Some times we are lucky to have things happen as we desire but we are not always going to have that luck...

The shortest, longest story...

I can't take my mind off you

Here I am once again, thinking on whether I should forget you or love you.
Many nights I've been contemplating on how much I want to be with you...
You are the reasson of my happiness, you have the control on your hands, you decide if I move or stay, I can't take my mind off of you. It's silly how one person has so much power over another. It is creapy, but I picture you in my head night and day, what should I do, I ask myself... What decision should I take! I probably should move on and see if there is anyone else out there for me but I can't I want you and only you... You are the only one who makes me smile, in that unusual way I do when I look into your eyes. I need you and want you. I am in a constant plead " be mine" and no one elses! So selfish I've become but I desire so badly to spend my days with you... You rock my whole world, and I love you for that!!! Thanks for always being here! I will always love you I promise... You know I am talking about you, you are the only man in my life right now! Thanx for making my life so exciting!!
I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!

Not anymore!

Hi, it's me once again writting about my not cool life!!!
It is true that a couple of things have happened, Peolpe in my life found love wich I think is awesome, and I myself think I love someone also... Complicated, right?
I am very happy to have someone who cares so much about me even though I am not with him, he makes me feel so good, so special and so cared for. He is an extraordinary person! I love him!!!
Don't get scared please, But you know I do or so I wish you knew I do LOVE YOU!

One more time!

Here I am again, wishing to be sleeping!(lol)
I am becoming dull I have no impacting story!
Something new in my life is I am planning on going of to the states to study.
I am considering to go to Oregon or Ohio, maybe Texas, I am not quite sure but I am thinking of moving out of Puerto Rico.
Puerto Rico is very nice don't mis-judge me, I love where I live but I want a change to start my life somewhere else, maybe more exciting!
I'll miss my friends like crazy, I hope I can see them on holidays and summer break...
O well until that happens I'll enjoy the time I have with my friends.

These past days...

Hi everyone!
I miss chatting with my friends!!!!
I've had some pretty nice last 2 days...
I spend time with my best friend, I went over to his house and we hung out, it was awesome!
Today I went to church and it was off the hook! God's presence was there we could feel him!
Even though I had fun these last days one of those days was the most painful of all I've had...
Memories brought back from my sub-conscience, took over me. Horrible day was that one.
Talk 2 u guys some more l8r.

Bla bla bla...

Today I am very happy!
Even though I am just writting to write, cause I am too lazy to write tonight!
I'll just write a quote then;

DON'T BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, DEPEND ON THEM.
Laurence J. Peter

Isn't obvious...

Isn't it obvious...
That I love you,
can't you see it in my eyes
how much I dream about you.

Isn't obvious...
That I am dying in dispair,
I need to be near you.
I try to get close but then I pull back;
I am so afraid of getting hurt...

Isn't obvious...
I know you can't tell, but
my soul is crying for help,
it's crying so loud and you can not hear it.

Isn't obvious...
That when we are apart,
time seems longer.

I know you don't know that I am dying here with out you... I need to see you, I need to hold you, I need to feel you... It's so silly how you being so close to me I desperately need you so much. Hopefully one day we will be more than strangers...

My thoughts...

I need you to know, the importance you have in my life...
I don't want to say it but it's true you are always on my mind, I wish to know how you are, I wish to be next to you every second of my life. ( SUPER STALKER) I really appreciate the friendship you have given me. You are so true to me and I know I might be selfish sometimes because I want you all to myself. (lol) I love you, you are the greatest friend ever and I couldn't bear to loose you so please never leave me... Many people in my life have turned their backs on me, but I am certain that you are not like those people. Thanks for always showing me the way, and always trusting me. I feel that our friendship is so pure! Thanks for every memory shared!
"I love you not because of who you are but what I become when I am with you", thats a really nice saying I think I can apply it on myself! Thanks for making a better person out of me...
Love you lots! your best friend, Miky

L.O.V.E.

What can we do with out love? I know sometimes I feel so hurt that I say I don't believe in love or I don't know what love truly is but I don't know where I would be without love.

You'll never get to know how I feel,
I'll never let it show,
you don't now how much it hurts me to know,
I have never had you and probably now I will
never have. You are so far away from me...
Not fisically but spiritually;
I wish I could tell you how much I want you.
It burns so much to know you and I, is not even a posibility,
we are so different... we are two strangers, who will never meet.
I am scared to accept how I feel for you...
You brighten my day with out even saying a word.
I want to be close to you even if it is for a second,
to breathe the air you breathe,
to feel you close to my heart and body.
I know now that dreams are only dreams, but
you are the sweetest of all dreams.

Secrets &Life

It's funny how people make little things so big!!!
Hi everyone, something new has happened in my life! It's scary in a wierd way but it is happening I am getting weird but nice feelings in my stomach, I think I am falling for someone! The only bad thing is that, it's the wrong person to fall for. He is not the kind of guy I usually go for... anyhow this will never work we are to different to maybe like each other! And back to the start he has a girlfriend, that makes him unreachable, restricted, forbiden! That doesn't matter that much anyhow, it's still a nice feeling I wouldn't want to get rid off.

SUCCESS!

Today was my schools fashion show, and I have to say it was awesome!!!
We had so much fun! We had a few problems but none concerning our preformance on stage. I wish I knew how to post pictures so I could show you how we looked but I don't know how to post pictures! Anyways thanks for taking your time to read this. bye

One more day!

I love God over everything in this world!!!!
Hey guys today has been a hard day, but I am happy it's over the whole drama and everything! I really wish tomorrow turns out to be a great day after all. I need a breakfrom everything, I am thinking spa, massages,manicure and a pedicure! That sounds great. Whatever, I don't have time for a break, in two more days I 'll be participating in my schools fashion show, it's nerve racking, I am use to the pressure of having to give a good show, I am a model, but ugh its hard when ur whole school is going to be there and you know they'll be talking about it for days. Anyhow, guys I hope each and every one of you are okay, take care, love you all!