Once again...

Once again I have fallen in the deep traps of love...
I thought I knew it all, I thought I was faster,smarter and way more skilled than Love itself.
How dumb was I, I thought I could play with fire and not get burn!
At first, I had the ball on my court... I made the rules, and decided when the game would end,
but in a bad move I made, I lost the ball, and I started to play a different kind of game,
in which I had no control of what was about to happen. At the begining the game started slow, I could barely feel love... I just felt something which I feel for anyone close to me, maybe appreciation, once the game sarted I started to feel funny, I couldn't stop talking to him, I couldn't stop thinking of him... and I was mad, I didn't want it to end like that I wanted to be able to say I like you now and not tomorrow. I know it sounds terrible but I didn't want to accept the fact I could fall in love again. So I started to act back, I took some drastic measure to vanish this whole feeling. I started to separate from him and anyone who reminded me of him, I started to find other guys who would occupy his position, I made up stories for myself in which I saw him as an evil person just to calm that sensation I felt for him. Nothing worked, my plan backfired, this made me so upset! I thought of myself as a strong girl who could do as she pleases and decides who to fall in love with. For long days I felt sorry for myself and I enclose myself from reality! Could it be possible, that I could be in love with someone against my own will, I asked to myself. Everything surrounding me shouted it's imposible for you to love this guy! I knew it was true but still I felt so secure with him, I wanted to be with him no matter what when I finally got to the point I knew that I loved him... reality slapped me on the face!
I have still not won or lost this game, but at least I know that if he is not for me and that probbably is the truth, I won't ever try to fight against Love, because it is much bigger that anything I can handle. Loving him has been a rollercoaster of mixed emotions, now having to see him with another girl saddens me but at the same time it's a relief to know I didn't change what he felt for his soon to be_ _ _ _!!!
What I learned in all of this was... Don't try to think you can handle ur emotions on your own...
Some times we are lucky to have things happen as we desire but we are not always going to have that luck...