Can it be?

Life is a box full of surprises! Surprises can either be good or bad. Tonight I am here asking myself : What kind of surprises does life hold in for me? I am going through a stage in life where I question myself what does every little thing mean. I have found myself questioning my decisions, many of them. Can it be that finding a person that respects me isn't what I wanted? I mean no one has actually disrespected me to my face, but with action you also disrespect people. I have found someone who really cares about me and would give the world to see and make me happy, but I find myself doubting over wether not I want this for my life. My last boyfriend and I ended pretty bad to the extend that we barely speak to each other! The thing was I found out many things about him that I didn't want to believe but did anyhow! Now he and I can't even consider ourselves to be good friends because that trust I once deposit over him is long gone! Still I find myself missing that whole drama and heart-ache. Is it that I trully want to be with him? I know that I don't want to be with him. I found someone who appreciates me and wouldn't hurt me, but I am still not content! What could it be? Have I not learn to respect myself and that's why I don't quite get use to it coming from another human being? Is it that past relationships have made me who I am? I have this concern in my life I wish to calm. Even though I found this special someone I am not in love, could it be that I am afraid to love once more? So many question are born in my head and I just can't answer! As I started saying : "Life is a box full of surprises " I just wish to appreciae more the blessing that I have than to lose a great person like that. I know I won't get to be with him because I've made a decision and I am not planning on backing out. Have we lost our self-respect? Have we lost who we are? Have we traded our morals and believes? Have we hurt ourselves? I soon wish to see... the answer to all of this.